Three Questions That Changed My Definition of Success
A few years ago, I was hanging out with a few girlfriends over a pottery and wine night. I casually blurted out that I felt like a failure. My friends looked at me, stunned. I was stunned, too. Why did I say that?! I had accomplished almost all my career, life, and financial goals by 30, so where did this feeling come from?
Three questions for clarity about success
Yet all those accomplishments still didn't leave me feeling successful, fulfilled, or even happy. It was never enough; there was always something more to accomplish. And I was always exhausted because “work was crazy busy.”
Success felt elusive, no matter the amount in my bank account or how much positive feedback I received from colleagues or clients.
So I asked myself, what does success feel like? When I'm 85 and reflect on my life, how will I know I've been successful? What would a successful life look like?
The answer surprised me.
Three insights that redefined success
Asking myself these three simple questions led to three realizations:
I made a simple mistake; I confused accomplishment with success. Accomplishment is only an input into success, not actual success. Success is greater than accomplishment.
The point of life is to enjoy it, and there is no greater success than enjoying life. To me, enjoying life looks like (1) laughing and connecting with the people I love and care about, (2) marveling at the beauty of this world, and (3) spending my time and talents doing work that's personally meaningful and allows me to accomplish the other two goals.
Work is significant in our happiness because we spend more than a third of our lives and 50-60% of our waking hours between 25 and 55, Monday to Friday, at work, thinking about work or commuting to work. This means that the bulk of the best years of our lives are about work. The remaining 50%- 60% of our time is divided among everyday activities like eating and showering, chores, social activities, and leisure. We’ll spend more time at work than doing anything else besides sleeping.
Achieving to experiencing: three changes to live fully
I changed my life based on these realizations.
First, I'm shedding the guilt associated with taking time off for family and friends—after all, isn't that what life is all about?
This is hard for me since I’ve been trained to prioritize work. But at 37, my most precious memories are of picnics, hikes, parties, walks, casual lunches/coffees/dinners, and celebrations. I remember the random girls' nights or the impromptu trips. I’m betting at 85, my most precious memories will be more of the same, so it makes sense to orient my life around spending time with my family and friends.
Second, I'm dedicating myself to fulfilling work that also supports my lifestyle. Considering we basically spend our lives working, I pivoted to finding work I love. I spent the last few years experimenting, taking risks, and learning new skills to prepare for the modern economy (entrepreneurship, digital strategy, media) and a passion career.
Not everything has gone according to plan, but I'm so proud of myself for taking the leap into entrepreneurship and following my passions. Doing this has given me the time and space to think about what I want out of life and has finally made me feel like I'm awake and living rather than living on auto-pilot and failing to experience life – a grave mistake.
Finally, I'm committing to scheduling time to explore nature – at least every other Saturday. I’ll know that at the end of my life, I’ll want to feel like I’ve at least made an effort to see the splendor of this planet.
Ironically, I realized I'd miss out on real success if I continued focusing on achievement. The world's money and recognition aren't worth it if I can't spend time with family and friends, do work I love, and experience the wonder of nature.
Define your success
What does success feel like for you? When you're 85 and reflecting on your life, how will you know you've been successful? What would a successful life look like?
Leave a comment or email me at hello@powerhouse-legal.com. I’d love to hear from you!
